Rethinking Screen Time Rewards

by

It’s possible you’ve seen (or used!) a chore or routine chart that includes a checklist of chores that need to be done and then at the bottom or top the words: “Now you can use electronics!” or “You’ve earned screen time!”

As a someone who was a parent before portable screens were mainstream, this phenomenon concerns me. I think that as parents, we’ve tried to find an easy way to manage screen time. It seemed like a win-win to tie chores to much-coveted screen time.

Now, hear me out. I love a good checklist as much as anyone! We use routine charts in our home—especially in the summer time when all the kids are home and everyone has more time on their hands. It provides some structure to our day.

We even plan when we will and won’t use screens as part of our family tech plan. Our children are expected to have certain jobs and daily tasks done before they use a screen. But, screen time isn’t a daily expectation and we don’t use the words ‘screen time’ or ‘electronics’ on a chore chart because I don’t want to teach our children to think of screen time as the ultimate reward.  We don’t want to create a screen time habit loop.

Image credit: https://charlesduhigg.com/keep-your-resolutions-this-year/

I learned about the concept of a habit loop from Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit, and from James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits. They each have their own version of this cycle, but the basic concept is the same. There is often some kind of cue or trigger that encourages us to act. For our kids, this cue could likely be a chore chart. Next, our children complete their routine—their chores. Next their brain expects a reward! Naturally that reward is time spent on a screen if that is the system we’ve created.

James Clear created this version of the Habit Loop. Learn more at jamesclear.com. This specific Technology Habit Loop was created by Andrea Davis at Better Screen Time.

Why is this a problem you ask? Here’s the thing, some kids won’t create a screen time habit because they don’t care that much about using a screen! However, for many children this routine creates a habit loop.

Sometimes habits remain habits, but other times habits turn into addictions. According to Adam Alter in his book, Irresistible, “…recent research has shown that addictive behaviors produce the same brain response that follow drug abuse. In both cases, several regions deep inside the brain release a chemical called dopamine, which attaches itself to receptors throughout the brain that in turn produce an intense flush of pleasure.”

Researchers are finding that young children learn to self-soothe with a device in a doctor’s office rather than in the arms of a parent. Anxious kids who may have a difficult time confronting their emotions, learn to buffer with a screen. It’s an easy way to escape the world for awhile. Then as kids get older and turn into teens, this habit of learning to unwind with a screen can become magnified as time spent on a screen increases. And we wonder why they want to spend so much time on a device when we’ve been reinforcing this habit loop all along?

We don’t want to condition our kids to habitually turn to a screen to relax and unwind. Many bad habits and addictions start because we are trying to make ourselves feel better. In Irresistible, Alter also teaches, “The substance or behavior itself isn’t addictive until we learn to use it as a salve for our psychological troubles.”

We need to have conversations in our home about rewarding ourselves in healthy ways. In our home we made a list with our kids with ideas of to de-stress without turning to substances and activities that will eventually destroy our health and relationships.

And while it’s not easy, we’re doing our best to keep screen time a normal activity we do occasionally, rather than a repeated reward for good behavior.

We think it is a good idea to have clear expectations about when your family will use screens, where you will use them, and what you will do on them. (You can use our quick guide to help you do this together as a family.) This is your family technology plan.

Then, use your chore chart as a way to help your kids learn how to contribute in your home, and not as a means to earn time on a device. By doing this we can encourage a positive habit loop, rather than initiating a negative one that will be difficult to reverse as our kids mature into adulthood.

Boost Your Child’s Mental Health into Adulthood—Delay the Smartphone

A new study shows that the older a person is when they get their first smartphone, the better their mental health in young adulthood.

Celebrating Screen-Free Week

Do you feel like your device controls you? Could you use a little jump-start to form better tech-habits? JOIN US for a screen free week from May 1st- May 7th! Screen-Free week is a world-wide invitation (led by Fairplay) to spend a week without using our digital...

It’s Been Five Years Since I Banned My Devices from the Bedroom

What started as an intention to be a better parent, turned into a five year journey of reclaiming my mornings and evenings from technology, and rediscovering what I call the Three R’s of resetting: rest, relationships, and rejuvenation.

Three Ways You Can Tame the Frogs

What do frogs have to do with screens and tech? Click here to find out!

No Regrets: Prepping for a Cell Phone

As I talk with parents “just ahead of me” about screens and technology, I often hear the words: “I wish I would have waited.”

Smartphone Stairsteps: A Four-Phase Process

Check out our four-phase process to help your child ease into cell phone ownership!

How-to: Introduction to our Video Channel!

This how-to series will help you establish guidelines and boundaries for screen usage in your home. Join the conversation on YouTube or our IGTV channel!

How-to: Set Up a Family Charging Station (and why!)

Your family charging station serves a more important purpose than charging your device! See how a designated charging station can actually simplify screen usage in your home.

Ready…or Not? A Cell-Phone-Ready Checklist to Use with Your Child

We are excited to share a helpful tool we’ve been using with our family: a simple Cell-Phone-Ready Checklist! This checklist provides tangible and concrete benchmarks to keep expectations clear as you and your child discuss cell phones.

Technoference: When Technology Gets in the Way

As I’ve been researching how my relationship with technology might affect my relationship with my kids, I came across an interesting term: technoference.

How-To: Setting Up a Feature Phone with Ting

Parents often ask us how to get started with a feature phone for their child or teen. Tyler is our in-house techie, and he recorded a quick video to show you how we use Ting as our cell phone service provider.

Is the Gizmo Gadget a Good Fit for Your Family?

Are you wondering if a simplified watch might the solution you’re looking for? Whitney Archibald of howshemoms.com shares her review of the Gizmo Gadget.

How Your Tech Guidelines Can Change As Your Children Grow with Kathy Keller Jones [Audio]

As our children get older, how do we give them more freedom with technology, but not give them free reign? Kathy Keller Jones, developmental psychologist and former kindergarten through eighth grade school counselor, shares her wisdom in this audio post.